


In The Morning

by mansikka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Prays, M/M, Pining Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:10:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5892316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The angels have fallen. Cas is missing. Dean is rehearsing the words he wants to say to Cas when he sees him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Morning

_In the morning I'll tell you._

_That's what I was saying to myself when you flapped off in a huff yesterday. I thought, I'd wake up, go for a shower and clear my head, think about what I wanted to say and how I was going to say it, and then call you back down here._

_Get it right, you know?_

_I know you were angry when you left, and I know why. I know, I do. It's not fair of me to keep pushing you like that. It's just... this is just hard, okay?_

_Have you any idea, Cas? Any idea at all about how hard it is to try and talk to you sometimes? I mean, c'mon. You speak like the dictionary half the time and you're like .... clueless the other. Not that you're clueless, I know, I know, before you give me THAT look._

_I know what I want to say now. So stop being mad at me, okay?_

_Please, Cas. C'mon. Stop being so stubborn. Kinda my job, you know? ;)_

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_The sky's not been right for weeks, you know? Sort of red, and brown, and yeah, apocalyptic, but I guess that's what happens when you meddle with these kinds of things, right?_

_You're a stubborn sonofabitch, you know that? I've been praying to you all day long for weeks now, and I've gotta tell you, I’m getting a little worried. There's talk of all of the angels falling and you don't answer, your phone doesn't connect, what am I supposed to be thinking here? Are you mad at me or missing?_

_Look. If you're that pissed off with me, just give the nod to Sam, okay? So we know you're okay._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_I've been writing to you for four goddamn months now, Cas. Four._

_I hate writing. My handwriting's all cramped and it makes my wrist ache. And I'm rapidly running out of journal to write in. You could at least do me the courtesy of acknowledging you're getting my words, and getting your ass down here just for once. Five minutes is all it takes to let me know you're not... you know. In trouble. 'Cause I can't help you with whatever's wrong, if something is wrong, if you don't tell me._

_Just... five minutes, Cas. Five._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_Since you can't be bothered to answer – and it's been six months, Cas, you sonofabitch, six of them – I may as well fill you in with what's been going on down here. I like to think maybe you still give a crap..._

_Sam and me, we've not a massive amount of stuff to do. At least, no more demon or angel stuff, anyway; we've still got all kinds of crap like vamps and ghosts and shit, but nothing big, you know?_

_So we've been hanging out a bit more, just travelling about, and it's nice, you know? Being on the road with Sam, nothing like the pressure we've had for the past few years._

_We drove out past New Mexico a couple days ago, and it's the same as everywhere now. Massive, scorched outlines burned everywhere you look in open spaces. Angel shapes, Cas, from where you guys fell._

_Please tell me you didn't fall, Cas. Tell me you're up there doing whatever it is you do for a hobby and rolling your eyes at me like you always do._

_Tell me something, Cas, c'mon._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_I keep looking at them. The scorched angels, I mean._

_We don't know why they're not fading. Like, you'd expect grass to grow back over them, or the wind or something to blow sand or mud or whatever back over their shape, or the rain wash them away._

_They're not moving, Cas, they're just...there._

_What's that even mean? Are you there? Are you here? Are you gone?_

_You better not be gone, Cas, you hear me? Get your ass back here, right now, and tell me I'm being an idiot._

_Please, Cas._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_I'm seeing you, Cas._

_There's a scorched angel right near the back of the bunker, same position as all the others, but I've got this awful, awful feeling maybe it's you._

_Worst thing is, I only noticed it this morning. You might've been here all this time._

_It's not you, is it Cas?_

_God, tell me it's not you._

_I see that damn trenchcoat on every street corner, too, it's like you're haunting me and you better not be dead, Cas, I'm telling you. Right now. You best not be dead._

_Don't be dead, Cas._

_Please don't be dead._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_I'm gonna try and tell you some stuff that'll freak you out enough into returning, okay?_

_That stuff I was going to tell you in the morning._

_See, I'm not great at the feelings thing. Yeah, you know that, I know you know that._

_But Cas. Feeling stuff. Feeling stuff is hard. Makes you weak, you know? Makes you breakable._

_You make me breakable, Cas._

_You're breaking me now, you know._

_Please come back..._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_Alright_

_So here's the deal._

_I care about you._

_There. I said it._

_I care about you. A lot._

_I care about you so much that it's killing me, god how it's killing me that you're not answering._

_I care about you, like I wanna take care of you, and I kinda want you to take care of me too._

_Not used to feeling like that, Cas, gotta say._

_But you make me feel things. Pretty sure you know you do too, even if I'm too dumb to say them._

_Don't give up on me, not yet._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_Cas_

_When I said you're family, I meant it, but I didn't mean it in the sense of a brother. I care about you that way. You get that? Not like a brother. Like something else._

_Why won't you just damn well answer me?_

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_I'm falling, Cas._

_I'm falling apart here without you._

_C'mon, man, you guys can't just all be gone, or stuck up there without coming back._

_Gotta be something you can do._

_You want to, right? Do something about it? This thing – yeah, I mean getting back here AND this thing with you and me?_

_Cas. I need you._

_And I kinda miss you._

…

_Scratch that. There's no kinda about it, I DO miss you, you stupid, stuck up, eejit of an angel. Get your ass down here, even if it's to smite the life out of me – I'll take it. I'll take it all, just to know you're okay._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_Please, Cas_

_Just... please._

_Please come back to me._

_Dean_

  


_***_

  


_In the morning._

_In the morning I'm gonna go looking for you._

_There's talk from a couple of hunters out west of a bunch of angels that fell but didn't crash land. That are walking around in meatsuits and doing okay._

_Might just be rumours, but I've gotta check it out. Gotta see if you're there._

_Please be there, Cas. Please, PLEASE be there._

_And if you're not, well. No big deal I guess. I mean. I'll just keep looking._

_I'll always keep looking for you, Cas._

_Always._

_Dean_

 


End file.
